THE BREAK UP/ CHEER UP CARE PACKAGE

I love a good care package.  At Christmas my big sister will give me a surprise box of goodies stuffed with make-up, smellies, candles… the list goes on and the gift keeps on giving.  Did your school ever contribute to the Christmas Shoebox Scheme?  I would spend hours arranging and rearranging the crayons and teddy bears in my box for maximum visual impact upon opening by my African recipient.  It comes as no surprise that the combination of my The Thing About Break-ups post and stumbling upon this adorable popcorn bowl inspired a new care package idea.

As a friend and shoulder to cry on, I think it is equal parts important to provide both sympathy and distraction.   Too much moping doesn’t help anybody but tears are somewhat inevitable in this situation, hence the tissues, booze and chocolate.  However, the surest way of curing depression is through laughter: enter comedy DVDs and popcorn.  And finally, exercise and a pro-active attitude are vital to healthy emotional recovery, so within my care package I have included a diary so that you and your friends can jam-pack the break-upee’s schedule with lots of day trips, picnics, walks and of course cocktail/dancing/getting-back-on-the-horse evenings in the near future.  

Contents

1 metal popcorn bowl from Parlane International; 1 bag of toffee popcorn; 2 comedy DVDs; 1 bar of chocolate; 2 packs of colourful tissues; 1 bottle of prosecco; 1 Cath Kidston diary.

You will notice that none of the contents include scissors, a lighter or any aggressively feminist self helps books.  This is for two reasons: firstly, they say the closest thing to love is hate, so if you nurture loathing for an ex, cutting their heads off in photographs or building a pyre for past Kodak moments, all you do is keep the flame of bitterness alive.  As supportive friends we are ultimately aiming for, if not amicability between exes, then at least a nice placid indifference.  Secondly, and this is important, there is always the chance that a relationship termination won’t stick.  Do not invest time and energy into bitching about how you never really liked your friend’s boyfriend anyway when it is entirely possible that they will be back together by week’s end.  And yes I have been burned by this before.  So best to provide non-committal responses.  

Just for fun I have also done a Luxury Break-Up Package (for people who are ‘Made in Chelsea’ or live in Buckingham Palace.)

1)  Gym Membership - Gym must include sauna, spa and massage treatments.

2)  Voucher for personal shopper in Selfridges, Harrods, Liberties (or all of the above) for complete makeover.

3)  2 around the world tickets - what better way to get over someone than getting on a plane with your bestie, headed for adventures unknown?

THE THING ABOUT BREAK-UPS

So here’s the thing: due to the appalling lack of, well, anything in the cobweb-ridden recesses of my relationship history circa pre-2009, I have never actually been through a break-up.  However, they say those who can’t do teach and therefore I have found myself doling out years of advice extracted directly from various chapters of what I like to think of as ‘The Best Friend Textbook.’

One of my closest friends once referred to me as the textbook best friend and I have tried to abide by these self-imposed unwritten laws of sisterhood ever since.  It must be my geek tendencies which ensure that whenever I fall at a friendship hurdle I always have that gut wrenching feeling kin to failing a test, only instead of some government funded curriculum, these are life laws which cannot be re-sat to get a pass grade.  Every slip-up must be paid for in hours of insomnia and perpetual anxiety.  Needless to say, I try very hard to be a good best bud.

One of the key components when sailing aboard the HMS Friend Ship (feel free to shoot me now,) is listening.  And what better way to prove your mate-mettle than paying witness to relationship woes?  Surprisingly this was a lot easier when I was single.  It used to be if the guy is an idiot, sack him off and let’s get drunk.  Now, I am older and wiser.  Oh don’t get me wrong, if the guy is a douche the answer is still sack and sip but the road to unbearable behaviour is getting longer by the year.  

I suppose now that I have my own romantic relationship to maintain, I am just as invested as my counterparts in ironing out familiar niggles such as the boyfriend interrupting a supposedly solitary bathing session for the fifth time in an evening (you know who you are.)  After all, if another long standing couple can’t overcome these pesky grievances, what hope does my relatively infantile couplet have?  And so, it becomes more and more difficult to issue the once trusty ‘get rid of him’ advice.

And yet there comes a time when enough is enough.  This may be for a variety of reasons.  I am lucky to say that none of the recipients of my textbook’s advice have had dire reasons for their break ups but that is another topic for another day.  Whilst our teenage years were prevalent with cheating scumbags who had just discovered the intended use of certain areas of anatomy and made it their mission to give demos to as many drunken disco attendees as possible, our post-uni days seem to be more concerned with that beloved American term which manages to imply a lot without actually saying anything: irreconcilable differences.

It is here that the textbook takes a decided swerve away from the direction of unbiased philosophy and considered wisdom as every best friend knows, there is only one side to take.  The cause becomes less important than the solution.  Once a healthy amount of crying and bitching has been expelled, then can come the fun part.  It is the best friend’s sworn duty to support all makeover ideas, no matter how conservative or drastic.  The newly single should be wrapped up in a warm whirlwind of girl chats, wine tasting, shopping and general merriment.  And if, in between manicures, there comes a time to dip a sentimental toe back into the pool of nostalgia, it should be with the intention of evoking a sense of time well spent with a person who, despite being benched in order to be replaced by an improved model in the future, nevertheless played an important role in the game thus far.

The textbook is clear in its footnote that recovery time will vary between friends as per their situations and susceptibility to optimism.  However, there is also a direct correlation between support given and bouncebackability (technical term.)  One more silver lining is that I know a few candidates who possess their own, individually edited copies of ‘The Friendship Textbook’ in their life libraries and so I can let my relationship run its course, niggles and all, knowing that there is a team of highly trained specialists waiting with tubs of Ben & Jerrys, a bottle of red and an action plan to relaunch this Relation Ship if it were ever to run aground.  

200 FOLLOWERS! THANK YOU

Dear Lovely People,

I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to follow my blog.  Although I know quality is more important than quantity, I set myself a target of a hundred followers in the first month and to my epic shock I have somehow doubled that! 

Some of my friends have spent years telling me to start a blog but I was always under the impression that you had to lead a really exciting and action packed life to warrant one. However, if the last month has taught me anything it is that the process of blogging can actually make your life more interesting by forcing you to look at your world from different perspectives. 

So now I spend my time actively seeking intriguing photographs, articles, people, books... anything really, instead of just sitting back and letting them go by un-blogged.  As my best friend says, I've got the 'blug' and anticipate many happy years building my own little on-line world and getting to know more of you out there.

So thank you all once again,
Hannah.

Empty shelf?  Colourful Cacti!

MY NAILS: A BARRY M LOVE STORY

Why do I paint my nails?  No seriously.  It takes hours and is there anything more frustrating than taking that final swipe of the third coat on the tenth nail, only to look back at your right hand and see its patent perfection has become a big fat gloopy mess?  Oh, and you have ruined your favourite jeans in the process, because as far as I know, incongruous electric blue splodges on clothing have not yet hit the catwalk.

And yet, any given week my nails showcase a veritable rainbow of hues and textures, and I am certainly not alone in my obsession.  Historically, noblewomen in 17th century portraits can be seen exhibiting various nail adornments while the Chinese have been doing it for thousands of years!  So what makes nail painting worth the time and expense?

1)  Me time.  It might drive my boyfriend crazy when it comes to washing the dishes and I wiggle my fingers and say, “Sorry I can’t, wet nails,” but manicure time is also a great way of forcing yourself to be still.  In a world where we are forever rushing around, break out the Barry M and that is the next half an hour accounted for with nothing but sofa time.  As mentioned before, a nail smudge can evoke an illogically fierce dart of seething anger to course through the body and must be avoided at all costs, so I make sure I have no distractions during that all important drying window.

2)  Fashion.  The last few years have seen a resurgence in dedication to nail-upkeep and yet this trend seems to be with us for the long haul.  Some of my earliest memories are playing with my Grandma’s jewellery while she touched-up her nails with a Revlon pastel pink.  There is no doubt that the perfect shade can transform an outfit from dull to dazzling which means I can see my love affair with varnish lasting for many decades to come.

3)  Self-confidence.  Even when my skin is blemish free and my hair is behaving itself, I still enjoy my make-up and blow-drying rituals before a day’s work.  The same goes for nail varnish, which after all is just make-up for the hands.  An injection of glamour does wonders for my mood and the day seems that little bit brighter when my digits are appropriately groomed.  As I work in retail, it is also a huge ego boost when a customer or colleague asks who does my shellac for me and I say “Oh no, this was just £3.99 from Boots!”  Although I do enjoy an occasional French manicure from a pro, self-application allows for more variation day-to-day, depending on mood and/or occasion.   

As you may have gathered, Barry M is my go to supplier for all things nails.  The incredible colour range and quality give a professional finish (after enough layers) and I love my little family of gelly, matte and silk shades.  And so, without further ado, I introduce my adored Barry M collection...

Heart in a box

A heart in a box... just because.

THE THING ABOUT SUITS

So here’s the thing: suits are an extremely useful form of communication; a language which must be learned and translated just like any other.  They are also indirectly responsible for my latest obsession… but we’ll get to that later.

As a country bumpkin, born and bred, my contact with suits has been restricted to the occasional businessman on my town’s high-street, or the off-the-rack poorly fitted specimens draping my teachers at school.  Even these private school employees had not effectively utilised the power of the suit, instead casting off crumpled jackets the minute they reached their desks and just generally being surrounded by an air of sartorial neglect.  These, I decided, were not suits.

University saw an improvement in the deciphering of this heretofore elusive language.  Young men and tutors from all over the country brought their finest two-pieces for special occasions.  However, there was still something missing.  Perhaps the problem did not lie in the suits themselves, but rather in the lack of respect shown by those in them?  My three years saw far too many beer stains and lining tears to count.

However, the year 2013 marked a momentous occasion in my life.  An oasis was found in the desert of men’s formal fashion, and his name?  Harvey Specter.  This denizen of suit-dom has forever revolutionised the language of suits.  His three-piece (yes, there is usually a waistcoat involved) combinations are nothing short of mouth-watering, as befitting the powerful unparalleled lawyer he plays in the programme called, you guessed it, ‘Suits.’  Gabriel Macht brings this legal prodigy to life with style and witty repartee, along with his right hand man, Mike Ross, and secretary, the indomitable Donna.  For us rural folk, the series invites us to take an irresistible peek into the fast-paced world of New York’s law firms and the perpetual battle between integrity and victory for supremacy.  

Forget subtitles, no woman alive can fail to translate the sheer masterfulness of Harvey Specter, both in and out of the courtroom and I hereby dub him Sultan of Saville Row, Prince of the Pin-stripe, Tutor of Tailoring, President of the suit-Press, God of the… ahem.  You get the idea...

THE ART OF CONDOLENCE: SYMPATHY CARE PACKAGE

How many times have you gone to write a sympathy card and just sat there chewing the end of your pen for ages?  Although I am possibly the English language’s greatest advocate I am also aware of an unavoidable truth: sometimes words are not enough.

My cousin recently lost her father, and having been in a similar situation, I know that, although words of condolence are always appreciated, they can sometimes do more damage than good in terms of emotional stability.  It can also be extremely embarrassing to publicly burst into floods of tears repeatedly throughout the day.  So when the worst happened, and I knew she would have received a fair number of well-meaning visitors, I remembered a post by Cupcakes and Cashmere called ‘Sending Condolences.’  This inspired my sister and I to create a sympathy care package for my cousin, as a way of showing that we were thinking about her without the help of Hallmark.

The theme of our parcel revolved around self-indulgence, with the hope that some treats and luxury products might make the time until sad thoughts become happy memories a little more bearable.  

Contents

1 bottle of red wine; 1 calming bubble bath; 1 pink loofah; 1 waterproof mascara; 3 Lush soaps; 1 box of luxury tissues; 1 box of Thorntons chocolates; 1 pack a Ferrero Roches; 1 guardian angel charm from Junction 18; 1 pack of tealights from Parlane International; 1 vanilla scented candle from Parlane International.

We then filled a gift box with raffia and added a bright bunch of flowers to the collection and left the care package with my cousin’s husband along with a ‘thinking of you’ card and an unlimited offer for babysitting duty. A few days later she stopped by to tell me how much the gesture meant to her and that it had brightened up what had been an awful day.

New favourite gift for anyone of a literary bent.  Plate with Twelfth Night Quote, by Parlane International

A GUIDE TO ACCEPTABLE PDA's (PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION)

Are PDA’s ever ok?  My knee-jerk answer to this question is a rather vehement “NO!”  In fact, were you to spend some time with my boyfriend and I, you would be forgiven for mistaking us for friends, if not casual acquaintances, rather than a romantically involved pair.  My friendship circle consists of a mix of couples and happy singletons and one of the singles commented that she loved spending time with all of us because the couples never made her feel like a third wheel. Similarly, before I met my boyfriend, I would not think twice about a night on the town or in a restaurant with a friend and their partner.  

But am I being too harsh on my overtly loved up peers? 

I think of Public Displays of Affection as a scale, running from holding hands (excusable) to hot and heavy make out sessions in front of anything that is not an inanimate object (life sentence.)  The grey area in the centre of our scale is kissing.  Not snogging.  Kissing.  Public tongue action is most definitely a no go but there just might be a time and place for it’s pecking predecessor.  As always, I shall consult my mentor for guidance: Walt Disney.  Disney kisses are few and far between, and it seems that only extreme circumstances warrant even the smallest public gesture of affection.  Let’s take a look…

1)  Weddings.  Marriage is the obvious excuse for a smooch.  Even I am not enough of a Scrooge to resent a little kiss during the first dance, and the religious ceremony actually goes so far as to verbally permit the act in a church!  Ariel and Eric set the standard for this matrimonial make out loophole.  Similarly, Cinderella and the Prince kiss on their wedding day, as do Robin Hood and Maid Marion, but it must be noted that both couples have the decency to wait until they are safe in the confines of their carriage before setting upon each other.

2)  An intensely romantic setting.  I’m talking fireworks at the Eiffel Tower;  a proposal; ‘flying’ with Jack at the prow of the Titanic, that kind of thing.  Aladdin takes Jasmine on a magic carpet ride around the world before he is allowed to first base for goodness sake!  
3)  As a magical medical means.  So True Love’s Kiss is sometimes a physical necessity and I don’t think even the most romantically stunted person would be creeped out by Prince Charming and Prince Phillip giving Snow and Aurora their remedies.  
4)  As a celebration for being a human again.  Belle and her Beast are totally allowed a peck after he lost all that nasty fur.  And no Princess wants to hook up with a frog for life, so again, excused.
5)  War has ended.  Although Mulan and her soldier never actually kiss, the whole saving China thing would definitely give her at least one get-out-of-jail-free card if she had been in the mood.  This also reminds me of the iconic ‘War has Ended’ photograph of the kissing sailor and nurse in Times Square.  If your country wins a significant war, I think a kiss or two is forgiveable.

So what have we learned?  PDA’s make people uncomfortable and are completely unnecessary but for a few select circumstances.  So if you find yourself tempted to get dental with a man (or woman) in a public place, first ask yourself:

1) Is it your wedding day?  (And is he your new spouse, not just a random guest.)

2) Have you recently spent an inordinate amount of time asleep and/or as an animal?

3) Have you returned from a global tour on a magical mode of transport?

4) Has your country just won a war?

5) Are you and everyone around you so drunk that no-one will either care or remember?

Unless you answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions, chances are your imminent PDA is about to make some unsuspecting, inadvertent member of public cringe.  So keep your lips under lock and key and step away from your amorous co-conspirator.  

LIEBSTER AWARD

Thank you to the following lovely people for being so kind as to nominate me for the Liebster award: Tajaljeh ( http://lifeastajaljeh.blogspot.co.uk),

Elise (http://teenbeautyonline.blogspot.co.uk/

Emily ( http://novellette.com/)

I have only been blogging for two weeks and am extremely flattered that people are enjoying my ramblings!

The rules for this award are:

You must answer all questions that are given to you

Must link back to the person that nominated you

Nominate 11 bloggers who have less than 200 followers

Provide nominees with 11 questions of your choice

Cannot nominate the person who nominated you

Must inform nominees of your nomination

Provide nominees with a link to your post for more info

I will answer Tajaljeh’s questions as she was the first to nominate me (thank you again!)

Questions:

What is your favourite city?

Queenstown, New Zealand because of it’s stunning setting, lovely people, interesting shops and gorgeous food.

Who is your role model?

My Grandpa: the cleverest, funniest, kindest person I know.

Favourite lip product?

Mac’s Morange lipstick because it improves every outfit.

Favourite perfume?

Chanel Chance.

What made you start your own blog?

I love writing and wanted to practice before I started my bestselling novel.

What are your hobbies?

When I am not reading and chatting with my friends I love to shop and travel far and wide.

Do you have a pet?

I have two big fat fluffy cats called Archibald and Louis.

Favourite colour to wear?

Either coral pink or bright orange.

5 things that you love?

My friends, my family, my cats, my book collection and my passport.

Describe your style.

Colourful classic.  I have a weakness for floral print and pretty feminine dresses, whether they are ‘on trend’ or not.

My Questions for my nominees.

1) Who is your favourite Disney character who is not a ‘main character.’

2) If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

3) What is your ‘go to’ fancy dress costume?

4) Name three films which make you cry every time you watch them.

5) Favourite sandwich filling?

6) What is your worst habit?

7) If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

8) Who is your style icon?

9) What is your life’s greatest ambition?

10) Who is your most embarrassing crush?

11) Who is the most influential person in your life?

I nominate:

cchearts.wordpress.com

captivatetheeyes.blogspot.com.au

laurenannafashion.blogspot.co.uk

laurensusannah.blogspot.co.uk

girlinthetrilbyhat.blogspot.com

cosmetc.tumblr.com

dailydoseoflacey.blogspot.com

glossnglitter1.blogspot.com

mathildasbeautylife.blogspot.com

style-mepretty.blogspot.com

jennyjustdoes.blogspot.com

MY 10 COMMANDMENTS: THE RESULTS

"I can resist anything except temptation," Oscar Wilde.

This past week I thought it would be healthy to set myself a few challenges for the sake of semi-serious self-improvement.  My ‘commandments’ included NOT being late for work; hitting the snooze button; bitching about customers; ordering takeaway; eating confectionery; succumbing to road rage; being stroppy with the boyfriend; swearing; skipping my skincare routine or telling a fib.

I had originally intended to talk about the reasons why I slipped up a few times, but to be perfectly honest I failed so miserably on most accounts that my findings will need to be much broader.  So here are 5 things I learned from my commandments:

1)  I have a talent for cheating.  Instead of hitting snooze, I woke up at 7.29am (alarm set for 7.30am) and re-set my alarm for half an hour later.  So technically I did not hit the snooze button.  But did this result in me getting out of bed any earlier than usual? No, no it did not.

2) Surprisingly, I found it far easier to stick to my personality-improving goals.  Every time I found myself being tempted to complain about difficult customers, grumble about ‘Sunday drivers’ or tell a little white lie, I resisted.  The only exception to this theory came in the form of being stroppy with my boyfriend.  For the first few days, whenever he did something slightly irritating, I decided to remain quiet.  Unfortunately, all this achieved was him asking me ‘are you ok?’ a thousand times, which of course only exacerbated my ire.  As it turns out, my occasional short temper is conducive to improved communication between myself and my other half and, as neither of us is adept at holding grudges, helps iron out little behavioural niggles.  

3) When Oscar Wilde claimed ‘I can resist anything except temptation,’ he might as well have been talking about my relationship with confectionery.  The second I placed a limitation on my intake of sugary goodness, every single cupcake and biscuit I came within a ten mile radius of became irresistible.  I also found myself craving takeaway more than usual!

4) A week of dedicated skin-care and less chewing-nail-naughtiness works wonders.  My skin is currently blemish free and my nails have never looked better!

5) Pub quizzes induce potty-mouth.  My competitive nature and a few glasses of wine possibly conspired against my good verbal intentions on Wednesday night…

All in all, I am glad that I find it relatively easy to be a good person but I could probably do with a bit of work in the will-power department.

What would your 10 Commandments be?  

Inspiration angel: Junction 18, £4.95.  The perfect gift to let someone know you appreciate them.

COMMUNICATION: THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST

I love words.  At the tender age of two, my Mum started me on my first ‘Peter and Jane’ book and I have been hooked on the English language ever since.  It therefore pains me to point out, that in our daily conversations, the words we use are virtually irrelevant in terms of effective verbal communication.  Whilst my body language and tone of voice are accounting for 93% of information being absorbed by my audience, there is only seven measly percent left over for my actual words!

This got me thinking about all the ways in which I communicate with my friends and family.  How effective are my methods?

1) Morse code… Just kidding.

2) Via text, whatsapp and facebook.  The value of this simple message-sending lies in it’s convenience.  In other words, a text is better than nothing.  It is an ideal way to touch base in the most basic communicatory way but simultaneously leaves a lot to be desired in terms of valuable exchange.  It is also a complete minefield: How many times has a sarcastic comment been mistaken for sincerity?  Or a joke for truth?  The words can and worms spring to mind...

3) Letters.  Definitely an improvement and a Birthday card is always preferable to its rather soulless facebook counterpart.  There is something so special about receiving an actual letter (remember those?)  Something you can keep which will always symbolise the time and energy someone has taken to compose and send this little piece of paper affection your way.  But still, words sometimes just aren’t enough…

4) Phone calls.  Now we are getting somewhere.  Think of the myriad of communicative ingredients that is now open to us!  Tone can express a dazzling array of sarcasm, excitement, depression, boredom, hilarity, suspicion, you name it!  And a shared giggling fit is so much more satisfying than any number of ‘LOLs’ on a screen.  

5) Face to face. Bingo!  According to Ray Birdwhistell, the human face is capable of over 250,000 expressions!  Perhaps the most important non-verbal form of communication is attentiveness.  Direct eye contact is the best way of showing a friend that you earnestly care about what they’re saying and you don’t in fact have them on speaker-phone whilst you potter around your bedroom making non-committal noises at appropriate intervals.  Sometimes you don’t even need to speak in order to communicate your feelings.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, then surely a hug in a crisis must be priceless?

A friend of mine did raise an excellent point: different levels of communication are applicable to different degrees of friendship.  The word ‘earnest’ is partly defined as ‘showing depth and sincerity of feeling,’ but there are some people from your past who only require a cheeky facebook poke here and there to simply reassure them of your continued existence.  There seems to be a direct correlation between the value of your communication method and the depth of your friendship.  So ask yourself: is it worth the effort of a car journey? A train ticket?  Perhaps even a long distance flight to stay connected???

Practising my photography skills and everyone loves a nick nack.  This one is from Parlane International.